In light of the upcoming holiday drinking holiday that is St. Patrick’s Day, we figured we’d give you all some very important and useful tips if you should happen to find yourself on any of the St. Patty’s Day bar crawls in the DMV.
WPGC’s Important Tips and Tricks for Leprechaun Day Libations
1. Always carry cash. Chances are you’re going to end up waiting twice as long to get served if you have to make a bartender run a card, approve it, sign it, input tip and close out. Throw down a five, order a green beer and be done in half the time. Plus, if you lose your credit card, you’re pretty screwed. Cash is green anyway, this is St. Patty’s Day!
2. If you’re part of a pub crawl remember this… don’t. wear. high. heels. It’s so funny to watch these girls get all dressed up, hike up their skirt, wear green eyeliner and glitter tattoos only to be gauged unable to make it to bar two thanks to their seven inch green shimmer strappy stiletto heels. Wear flip flops, tennis shoes or anything flat and guess what? They don’t hurt!
3. Eat first. Having something on your stomach will keep you from a.) being that stupid person who’s drunk halfway through the first bar, b.) throwing up all that Patron later. (Trust me, tequila is not fun coming back up.) or c.) that person who holds up the group of friends because they just HAVE to stop at McDonald’s on the way to the fourth or fifth stop. Precious drinking time, people!
4. It is a marathon, not a sprint. You’ll be drinking for 12+ hours and if you’re a real party animal, three entire days. There’s no reason for you to hit the first bar, order four shots, three rum and cokes and two Bud lLights to get you ‘started’. I promise you by bar three, you’re going to be laying in the middle of the street telling everyone who walks by that you want their pot o’ gold.
5. Don’t go up to a dude dressed as a leprechaun and pull his beard. This is kind of self explanatory but sometimes it just needs to be stated so it’s fresh on your brain.
6. Remember, not everyone you pass will be on the pub crawl. Therefore if you were to unfortunately pass a person of small, miniature demeanor, do not drunkenly ask him if he can make you some cookies in his tree that poses as a bakery. They don’t like it. They also don’t like if you automatically assume they’re going to dress as the leprechaun. Addendum: don’t buy them a costume in hopes they’ll change their mind.
7. Watch where you step. Don’t be that jerk that face plants over a crack in the sidewalk and ends up with a medic when there is good booze being sold just feet away. You also do not want to be the next viral video on YouTube or the laughing stock of your friends.
8. Order a water at every bar. Sometimes you’ll hit anywhere between 5 and 10 bars in a day. Drinking a full glass of water every time you go to one will help dilute the stupidity… I mean, alcohol coursing through your veins. The only sad part is you will only be that much quicker to ‘break the seal’.
9. Boys use boy bathrooms. Girls use girl bathrooms. Yes, sometimes it sucks that one line is longer than the other but walking in to the guys bathroom and seeing some drunk girl trying to squat in a urinal is, first of all, automockery from any guy who ever sees you again, but also keeps guys from getting their business done. Be considerate!
10. When in doubt, pull out of the crawl. If you can’t stand up and the world is spinning… go home. Don’t fall asleep at the bar, in the bathroom, on the floor, against a light pole, on a bus, on the hood of a cab or anything else that seemed like ‘a good idea at the time’.
Am I missing anything? Add at your own free will!
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